I have been doing a bit of self-reflecting lately. When you see friends going through different struggles, it sometimes makes you stop and think about how you view life and how you came to your own conclusions for what you believe and how you live.
|Identity: is who you are, the way you think about yourself, the way you are viewed by the world and the characteristics that define you|
Identity is something I have often struggled with growing up, and it has only recently dawned on me that I think I am finally content with who I am. According to Erik Erikson (Psychological Theorist), people progress through a series of stages as they grow and change throughout life. During each stage, people face a developmental conflict that must be resolved to successfully develop the primary virtue of that stage. He states that this stage of identity occurs during adolescence and is critical for developing a strong sense of self.
Growing up, I spent most of my formative years living overseas in Asia. I spoke like a local, behaved like them, immersed myself in their culture, and yet I was different. The stares of strangers as they saw this white foreigner hanging out with the locals were enough of a reminder that I wasn’t one of them. I felt right at home amongst my Asian friends, and often felt like I didn’t belong with my western school friends.
Moving to Australia for the first time as a young 15-year-old I felt completely out of place. I looked like a typical Caucasian Aussie teenager with a terrible sense of fashion, however, inside I felt completely different – I didn’t feel like I belonged, and I felt like people didn’t truly understand me. I had no interest in the typical teenage conversations of fashion, tv, and celebrities; they all seemed so trivial. I didn’t feel comfortable with the fashion but hated looking different. I didn’t know where I truly fit in. Thankfully, I found friends who took the time to get to know the Asian me, and accepted me for who I truly was, quirks and all. I still longed to return to Asia where I felt at home and where I thought I belonged. That is where my heart was, and where I felt my true sense of self was.
Years later Dale and I returned to my hometown in Asia to work as teachers at an international school. I felt at home again in their culture, however I knew it was not what I identified as anymore. Yes, it played a huge part in moulding and shaping me into the person that I am today, but it was not what defined me anymore.
Returning to Australia after that year, I was finally able to let go of my past, and embrace my childhood experiences, to finally recognise who I was – a child of God who is only passing through.
I am not an albino Asian, as I used to be called, neither am I a typical Aussie – but really, who is?!
I had to discover that I am a person that people can enjoy hanging around with, regardless of my differences and upbringing.
I had to realise my value and worth to society, and discover that I have things to contribute.
I had to realise that there are people out there who want to know more about me, and that it’s ok to open up and share my stories.
I had to discover that my worth is not based on what people think of me, but on what Christ calls me.
I had to learn that the way I fit into society doesn’t identify me.
Through various stages in my life, I had to learn that my sense of purpose or lack of, does not define who I am. Although we may go through times where our sense of purpose is blurred, or stripped away from us, that does not mean that we must lose our sense of identity. What we value, and our true character is what helps to define us regardless of our circumstances.
We are strangers to this world (Hebrews 11:13-16), and we are not called to be liked, but called to be a shining light and positive example to those around us. I was called to live like Christ, so He is my daily focus, and He identifies me as a precious child of God! (Psalm 139) When I keep my eyes on Him, although my world may be crashing around me, I can hold firm to the promise that I am valued, I am loved, and I am worth more than I could ever have imagined. My Creator identifies me; therefore, I should step out into the world with bold confidence.
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